May Practise of Purpose

the power of naming abilities and affect

A few months ago, I had a decision to make with my career. Two choices laid ahead of me: the one I had been heading towards, and a second which sounded dreamy, but I wasn’t sure if I was qualified. During a lunch with two of my mentors, they explained in detail the unique affect I have on people and the abilities I use in those scenarios.

When they put into words what it looks like for others when I live purposefully, excitement started to build in me. I longed to make people feel that way but I didn’t realise that I already did it. I spent so much time thinking of all the reasons I was not enough that I missed the ways that I am already enough for people around me. It helped me realise that I am qualified for the new venture because it aligns with the abilities I possess, the affect I have on people, and what I desire most for them.

Our abilities can be our greatest asset, but they are often our most hidden treasure. Yes, there are some abilities that can be obvious to us such as calculating complex math in our head or doing a backflip. For some even our workplace skills of negotiation and strategic planning can be easy to spot. But ask us how we can use those abilities to make the world a better place and our minds go blank.

While abilities are the things we do, affect is what people experience when we use our abilities. It is the way we make them feel. We affect people in different ways, some not so good. The affect we are referring to here is the one we have when we are living out our unique purpose. This affect is one of hope, healing, and/or restoration (in other words, the fruit of the Spirit). It is always life-giving.

Once we are aware of our abilities and affect, it becomes much easier to live them out. If I know that I can make people feel seen and heard in a way that gives them courage to take a step toward their dreams, then I try to be more intentional in doing that in my interactions. I pay attention to how I am listening to people, the questions I am asking them, and how I respond to them. I create more opportunities where I can have those conversations, because I know that my purposeful presence really does make a difference in people’s lives.

One of the cool things about how God designed our unique abilities and affect is that they are so innate that using them can be as easy as breathing. We don’t even think of them as special. When we look to name them ourselves, we can’t seem to recognise them.

There are many reasons that God created us to live in community and I believe calling out how we each bring goodness into the world is one of them. We can get so bogged down by all the ways that we are not enough that we forget the power of specifically naming the things people do that positively shift situations, obstacles, fears, barriers, etc for others. Calling these things out in words is more powerful than we could ever imagine.

This week’s practise of purpose consists of 5 Questions for a date or mate night. Invite your spouse, partner, or best mate to join you for a beverage or a meal. Choose a comfortable environment where it is easy to talk and somewhere that is out of your daily routine.

Tell them you want to have a night to encourage and inspire each other to live a life truly worth living and that you have a guide of 5 Questions. You can assure them they are not cringy or overly emotional questions. These are targeted and light questions that will help you name the affect you each have on others when you are being your most purposeful selves, the abilities you use to do it, and dream together of ways you can keep doing more of that.

When people around you start naming how you positively and purposefully affect others, you’ll find that you want to keep practising intentionally leaning into your abilities and affect.

Paid subscribers can access the link to questions below.